New Jewish Words (that I thought would make you smile)

Happy Monday! I hope everyone has recovered from their holiday. I thought we could all use a little humor this morning, so I found some new words to add to the Jewish/Yiddish dictionary:

1. JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish.

2. TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one’s lines at one’s bar or bat mitzvah.

3. SANTA-SHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for why they  celebrate Chanukah while the rest of humanity celebrates Christmas.

4. MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

5. BUBBEGUM n. Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

6. CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper.

7. DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

8. GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.

9. KISSKA n. Smooching at a bar mitzvah and getting the telltale smell of stuffed derma.

10. MEINSTEIN slang. “My son, the genius."

 11. MISHPOCHAMARKS n. The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.

12. RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from New Jersey to Florida and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo as you.

 13. ROSH HASHANANA n. A rock ‘n roll band from Brooklyn.

 14. YIDENTIFY v. To be able to determine true ethnic origins of celebrities even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.

15. FEELAWFUL n. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

16. DISKVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, med school or business as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son, David, is majoring in biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.

 17. KINDERSCHLEP n. To transport other kids in your car besides yours.

18. SCHMUCKLUCK n. Finding out one’s wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

19. OYVAYSMEAR: What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.

20. JEWDO n. A traditional form of self defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot.